One Is the Loneliest Number
by galleons
Summary: Is Professor Snape single or not? Professors Vector and Sinistra try to get to the bottom of it with interesting results.
1. Chapter 1: Of Gilderoy and Goblins

**One Is the Loneliest Number**

Disclaimer: I do not wish to seek any profit from the books or the characters. This is just zany and delightful fun. Once I find the Resurrection Stone, wherever the hell Potter dropped it, then I will be a galleonaire…er, until then…

**Chapter 1: Of Gilderoy and Goblins**

The day started off just like any other Wednesday since I left my job with Gringotts Bank and started at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

I had only been here a few months but everything was going swimmingly. I loved the school, Dumbledore was truly a kind, decent man, wonderful to work for, and I had already made friends on the staff. I had not gone to Hogwarts so I didn't know many people, but a few like Dumbledore and McGonagall were so exceptional and well-known throughout the British wizarding world, that I had heard of them before I came here.

Professor Flitwick was friendly as well as Professor Sprout. The Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor was _the_ Gilderoy Lockahrt, known by everyone, and beloved secretly by my fast friend when I came to Hogwarts, Aurora Sinsitra, though he did not know it.

And then there were a few people that I didn't get to know very well until later in the year.

Argust Filch because I suppose I would listen to my gut feeling on that one and refrain from doing so.

Sybil Trelawney, as well, because I'd rather not, after a very strange run-in with her crystal orb…

I think at 28 I probably had a decent shot of many full years ahead of me despite what she told me when I sat for her once.

And Professor Binns was dead, but I still wouldn't mind having a chat if he were agreeable. He was the longest tenured professor at Hogwarts; alive or dead.

And then there was Severus Snape whom I didn't know very well because he liked it that way…with me and everyone else as well.

He tended to talk to most of the older professors who Aurora had told me he knew from when he attended Hogwarts with her.

She had gone to school with him but really hadn't discussed it with me.

But I would find out a lot more than I cared to after today.

Because this is the moment that started it all…

_The Staff Room…a rainy Wednesday afternoon…_

Somehow a little girl talk started in the staffroom.

Aurora was a little sad because she really wanted to find somebody. She had only told me that she was madly, irrevocably in love with Gilderoy Lockhart. I somehow suspected thought that some of the staff might have had an idea, however.

Sprout talked about her dead husband and how much he had meant to her.

McGonagall talked about some man that had burned her and she decided to commit her life to learning and the magical education of youth.

I said that I once had a serious boyfriend in Wales but it fizzled once I went to work at Gringotts. And I hadn't dated much since then.

The later part I left out.

There was one male in our number, however, this afternoon. Snape sat in a corner reading a textbook, most likely perusing and prepping for his next class. He did not indicate that he had heard anything that we had just discussed. He had his nose close to his book which he held in both hands very near his face, so if he had overheard anything, nobody knew. His long black hair was in his face, so his expression was indistinguishable. Sometimes he read in the staff room and then would close his book sharply and leave abruptly. He didn't enter into any given conversation much. Unless it was of an academic nature or his opinion was asked by the elder staff members. He never spoke; he spoke today. Nobody really had talked this openly about their personal lives since I had arrived here, kind of funny that he from what I observed would interject.

"A bit of advice, Sinistra… perhaps you are not looking in the right places," he intoned silkily. "I may be able to offer some assistance. I thought of you the other day."

Several jaws dropped in awe, Aurora's more so than the other two women because they had gone to school together and I surmised that they hadn't quite gotten along or didn't really run in the same circles back then.

Who knew? I'd know later…But at the time I knew Aurora was thinking of Lockhart. I would soon find out that Snape didn't care for him much either, to say the least.

"Highly _auspicious _that I did my banking just yesterday after your previous comments…do not tell Trelawney I used that word." His lip curled.

I assumed he wasn't a fan of her either.

He closed his book firmly and rose to his full height. He was tall and imposing and he glided smoothly over to where we sat together on a small couch. He handed her a card wordlessly that he had taken from an inside pocket of his robes which said _Gringotts Bank_ on it, but I instantly recognized it because I used to work for them.

I failed to see the connection until.

"What is this?" she looked at him quizzically.

"I have just the _right_ suggestion for you." He gave her a dour smirk.

"Really," she breathed.

"Yes, turn it over." He gestured languidly with a long, rather pale hand.

It said _Griphook._

Her nostrils flared in indignation. "Are you trying to set me up with a goblin?"

"Might I ask why not? One can't be too, ah, _choosy,_ Sinistra. He may give you a shot, you know…if he is desperate. And from what I hear he makes quite a decent salary. Even more than professors…"his low, deep voice trailed off.

"Leave me alone…really…" She turned bright red.

He raised a mocking eyebrow and shook his head slightly. "And this is the thanks I get. Remind me never to offer my services again. Such a lack of appreciation, I shall never go out on a limb again."

McGonagall and Sprout who knew him for ages gave him an amused but reproving look.

He did look at them and sort of communicated a smirk that said that though he didn't entirely agree with them, there was an unspoken respect.

He nodded at the both of them. "I will see you at dinner I imagine." He swiveled on his heel with ease.

And then he turned in my direction and nodded. "Vector."

Most likely the fifth time he acknowledged my presence all year.

I really should have had the foresight to keep it at that.

Aurora he altogether ignored as he swept out of the room, with his long, cascading black robes trailing behind him.

Sprout and McGonagall both rose as if on cue and made to leave.

"Aurora. Please don't pay attention to him. He means nothing by it," offered a sympathetic Sprout.

"I have known him since he was a boy as you know. He can be difficult. He would have no idea about how to cut a silly light-hearted joke," huffed McGonagall.

"Sure. Remember I went to school with him too and…" started Aurora, miffed beyond belief.

"Don't pay attention. We will see both of you at dinner." And they left.

"So, implying that I should seek out a goblin for a love interest is okay?" Aurora shook her head in anger.

"He seems odd. I don't know him very well but, even when he said goodbye he gives this mean look and nods "Vector." What the hell is that all about? What have I done to him that I'm not aware of? Merlin, really…"

"He is an awkward fool. You should have seen him in school. And in retaliation I will tell you all about it. Nobody liked him. Well, some did but I will tell you about them another time too. He couldn't get a girl if his life depended on it," snorted Aurora.

"But he seems so calm… so self-assured, at least the little I have seen of him…"

"You think so? I can't see it. Maybe I just know him too long and too well from our youth. The least he could do after some of the nonsense he pulled with me and others years ago is to try to help me with _Lockhart._" She crossed her arms and seemed to think of him as she did it.

"How does anyone really know what he does on our days off or after dinner? I never see him after he leaves the Great Hall at 8. And never on the weekends either."

"You don't suppose… Is it possible that old Snivellus, I will also tell you about that later, might have a secret love?" It looked like something had dawned on her.

"Er, I don't know."

"No, you don't, and neither do I, and I bet the staff doesn't either. But I am going to find out. And depending on what my findings are, he will regret the day he ever tried to hook me up with Griphook. If he can't mind his own business, than neither will I."

And speaking of regrets…so would I.

"Would you help me look into this, Septima? It's harmless, I'm just curious that's all."

"All right…fine. But I don't want to get on his bad side. I hardly know him and he, er, frightens me."

"He frightens us _all, especially the students…"_

"And cheer up, Aurora. Lockhart barely talks to us to, but maybe I can help you break the ice with him. He is so busy with his books and now being a professor."

"Isn't he wonderful? As if he even needs to work at Hogwarts. It's all just to share his experiences with younger witches and wizards. Merlin, I _love_ him, Septima. And can you imagine with all of his promotional obligations as well. He is divine…"

And so our story begins…


	2. Chapter 2: The Threshold of Hell

**One is the Loneliest Number**

**Chapter 2: The Threshold of Hell**

_Before I get into what unfolded over the next few years, and what happened with Aurora, Lockhart, Snape and I, as I became tenured at Hogwarts, it is probably important that I paint a picture of what a typical day with Snape would be like. So perhaps I can tell you about what happened last week and then start from the beginning. So you can see where everything went…_

_Last Thursday_

"Damn _it,_" I squealed in a deluge of fury and frustration. I hadn't done this since I started Hogwarts a few of years ago. It was the first week of school and I had forgotten the new password I had created to enter my quarters.

Dumbledore had advised that we change them every so often. I am sure he had his reasons. What with fake Moody, the Sirius Black debacle, a werewolf, and a troll on the loose, and other assorted scenarios where security was an issue, it was highly prudent to change passwords from time to time. If only to safeguard one's possessions from Peeves, who one could add attempted burglary and property damage to poltergeist on his employee file. If he, er, had one…

The portraits did it frequently….why not?

Sybil was constantly forgetting. You would think she would be able to foresee this by now.

Well, everyone had forgotten theirs over the years at least once. Pomona always told me about the time when she was very young and had to go to the Headmaster's office to ask him to utilize some fairly amazing magic to open her door so she could enter and devise a new password and some additional spells that took a half an hour or so.

There were files, grades, our personal possessions, and many other reasons that we should be concerned. The Weasley twins….for one and two… and many other pranksters that might think it would be cute to enter a professor's rooms and wreak a little havoc.

Apparently the entire staff had this concern…with the exception of Snape.

Nobody would dare….or care too. I was sure of it.

Plus he had more spell security. Rumor had it, even more than the Headmaster himself.

Well, what would you expect? The bastard had a lot of enemies.

Me included.

Well, I never wanted things to turn out like they had. He made me. Er, I mean he made me his enemy through no fault of my own.

Things could have been different. If he wasn't such a sonofabitch…

And really if he wasn't Snape.

So I tried a few words out loud to jog my memory but it was no use.

I couldn't remember…the only thing that came to mind were old ones.

_What the hell had I just changed it too?_

_Why the hell hadn't I just written it on a little piece of parchment and kept it on me?_

_Why was I pacing back and forth talking to myself…_.because as I faced my door again after circling near the corner to the entrance, I noticed I was not alone any longer…

It was the bastard himself…in the flesh….and the bloody robes he _never_ washed.

At this point in time, he had snuck up on me so often, I was mildly convinced that he might be spying on me. Or he had nothing better to do. Or he just wanted to drive me utterly insane. Or maybe even all three.

It broke my concentration and for that I was pissed because I vaguely remembered that this time I had named the password after one of the many pets I had had that was named…

I noticed the black robes first that enveloped the sinister and dark person before me. They rippled slightly and then were deathly still as he stopped short in front of my doorway.

What business did he have here? I was up in the Ravenclaw tower. The only rooms up here were the dormitories, Rowena's old suite of rooms that Filius occupied, and my set of rooms. He only came here if he felt particularly vengeful and wanted to bother me, wake me at four in the morning during the Triwizard Tournament to tell me of the rumor about dragons and how I and he as my mentor would be assisting which was rubbish, or five in the morning when we had to brew potions during a seemingly nasty outbreak of spattergroit one year, when he claimed he simply could not do it on his own, well, he could, but the Headmaster had insisted that since he was my mentor, I should assist.

Just to piss me off!

So he was dark and still and motionless and eerily quiet. Actually, there was nothing to remark about at all, and then the ironic smirk, that begged me to slap his face, grew slowly.

"Ah, Vector…now now, what is it that you are doing?"

"None of your damned business…billow down to the dungeons where the rest of the bats are," I cracked.

He studied me in silence with slight interest dawning on his face. It was on purpose. He wanted me to get to the point where we both knew I wanted to slap him…again.

"It is not entirely unusual and hardly surprising to me. The insane are known to pace and babble to themselves with frequency. Among my many arduous tasks and responsibilities, I can't imagine why the Headmaster never delegated interviewing new employees to the list. There were several Arithmancers he was looking at the year you were hired. At times, McGonagall has even assisted with this when he…."

"Oh, I can't imagine why….maybe because you are a bloody maniac…I mean, why would he not? You are such a damned people person. I can't understand why he would overlook the potential right there in front of him and…."I was livid.

"Really, Vector….quite unnecessary. I have calming draughts on my person if you see fit to carry on and yell like a banshee." He looked down at his robes and mock felt the inside pocket.

I gave him a nasty look, turned on my heel, and faced my locked door. I proceeded to ignore him. I believed my chilling glare as I turned away would speak for me. Perhaps I would have enough stalling time to recall the password, enter, and slam the door in his face.

That would be….heavenly….the thought alone made me almost recall that I was outside the door only Thursday, when it occurred to me to make my password…

"Vector, out of Head of House duties, and albeit a slight concern for the welfare of the students…well, Potter…not so much…but why are you outside of your rooms quarrelling with yourself?"

I didn't like the mock silky tone he used.

I tiffed, whistled low, and tried not to grit my teeth in annoyance. Couldn't the asshole see that…

"Because I can't get in, you bloody moron!"

And he looked slightly taken aback for only a moment and then a thought occurred to him.

And apparently it was a highly amusing thought for he was rarely amused, because the smirk turned into a slightly lop-sided, yet diabolically evil grin.

He took his time before commenting. "Correct me if I am wrong. Are you claiming that you cannot enter your quarters presently," he asked softly.

"Yes, bastard. I am. Happy now? Can you just go away, er, fly, or whatever the hell it is that I saw you do that one time when it was dark out and late and I looked outside my window and screamed because I thought a dementor was hovering over the castle, and I alerted the Headmaster and he told me it was you, not to tell a soul, and with good reason it would be a secret between me and him?" I rambled.

"I am guessing that he implied it was Hogwarts business?"

He still looked amused.

"Yes, as a matter of fact he, er, did."

"Good. It was…in a way." He gave me his mysterious glance that for the life of me annoyed me to no end.

I was so tired of their secret spying innuendo bullshit I dropped it. I'd rather not know.

"Anyway, Vector, back to the matter at hand. Am I mistaken, or were you just telling me that you cannot open your door?"

"Yesssssss…..enough already. How many damned times do you want me to say it?"

He looked at me oddly. I had never seen the exact expression before. But the one after it I had, and it was with much foreboding that I prepared myself the best I could because I had deduced that:

He was amused. And this was never a good thing. I knew this from experience.

It meant he would press my buttons until I broke and it would take some time.

He had that expression on his face which said it was highly unlikely that whatever he would say next would be dropped easily, despite any efforts on my part to extricate myself from his odious presence.

The look also said, "Vector, you are a dolt." Yes, it spoke to me.

It also said that he was going to go with this and milk it for whatever it was worth. And now we had come full circle. Apparently it was worth his time for the amusement factor. He was very, very amused.

And then he turned abruptly, with his back towards me. I saw his shoulders slightly sag downward in his dark cloak. And then shake and twitch a little. But even with his dark hair falling into his face I could see that…

The sonofabitch was laughing at me. Hard!

So hard that he couldn't face me… It went on for a few more seconds.

I impatiently threw up my hands and then crossed them over my chest. My temper was rising rapidly.

He turned once more to me and I could see that the dark eyes were more relaxed, not so intense, and the he was trying to compose himself. To recover from the mirth he rarely allowed himself in public. Well, he did notice when Mrs. Norris was petrified with hidden glee. The bastard thought it was the funniest thing he had ever seen.

Psychotic, really, or maybe he was just more amused with Filch, and Lockhart claiming he could _actually_ undo it.

Or maybe he was thrilled beyond belief that Harry Potter might just get into trouble for something.

One never knew.

"Am I to believe that you have locked yourself out of your rooms, Vector?"

I glared at him.

"That you have forgotten the password, therefore, you are unable to utilize the spells to enter."

I felt a vein throbbing at my temple as I glared menacingly.

"Tell me, Vector, I need some clarification ….am I being lead to believe that you are an Arithmancer, currently in the employ of Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, after leaving, from what I have heard…"

"From what you have _stolen _from Filch's employee file cabinet illegally, I gather…. "I snorted.

"Well, for light reading….anyway…after leaving a highly lucrative, yet more often than not, dangerous job at Gringotts bank as a curse breaker, a representative in the continental magical liaison office, similar to Bill Weasley, which really means you commute to exotic locales to break and enter…."

"I am not a _thief _it that is what you are implying you sonofa…"

"No," he said softly…"you are _Vector_, not _Fletcher_…I am implying that considering you have broken into the most dangerous and illicit of vaults, buildings, ruins, what have you…"

And then the smirk and raised eyebrow he gave me was worse, far worse than any punch in the face I had imagined leveling him with because…

His deep, rich voice slightly wavered….he was trying not to laugh…

"You can't even enter your _own_ quarters…."

My stomach did a nosedive, but my ego beat it by just seconds.

Kill me now, Merlin, he would never let this go.

_45 minutes later…._

"I would help you if you would stop cursing like that barkeep at the Hog's Head," offered Snape in amusement.

"I don't want _your_ help, Snape. If you left me alone and stopped aggravating me, I would just remember it and…"

He became silent, crossed his arms and silently beckoned me to remember or at least regain some dignity by demonstrating some amazing curse-breaking magic to open my door.

It came to nothing. I was so mad at him I couldn't concentrate. I would probably lose focus and blow up my door…and the both of us. I wouldn't even try.

I tried to retain some dignity I imagined, when I explained this to him.

"There was a time when I would have told you to go ahead for my own entertainment. I would have wished to observe it. To just go ahead, I have nothing to lose."

"And you expect me to believe that this is not the case anymore?" I spat.

"It was when I was twenty and maybe up until a couple of years ago."

"And why is that exactly?" What was his point?

He just gave me a strange look and said nothing.

"Don't do anything." He whipped out his wand.

"Hey, you, what the hell are you doing?" I screeched.

"Opening your door for you, Vector, clearly you are unable to do so."

"Don't." Merlin knew, everyone knew, that he possessed magical knowledge beyond most of us. Dark Arts and other things that we would never use…that he knew it like the back of his hand.

With my luck he would cast some damned spell in which he could randomly enter my rooms at any time of the day to just annoy me.

I wasn't taking the chance.

"Stop, er, just stop!"

"Vector, this will be quite easy. I have entered any number of places that most could not," And I hated his smug look.

"I, er, believe you, but I'd rather you didn't."

"Why would you stand out here any longer than necessary? Here…"

My latch unlocked and my door opened.

"Vector….I won't tell a soul," he replied cheekily, as if he was _sooooo_ concerned about vouchsafing my reputation as a former Gringotts curse breaker.

"I should hope not…nor the ghosts….nor Peeves."

"That I cannot promise. They have a knack for finding everything out in this castle somehow. On one condition…"

"That being…" I threw up my hands.

"You have never invited me up for tea. I think this would be the opportune time for you to do so" in my opinion."

"Oh, you do?" I shrieked.

"Yes," he said, quite simply.

"Shut up, Snape."

"No gratitude?"

"Not if you gloat. Do you even drink tea?"

"Then tea is harmless really."

"Tea is harmless, you are NOT."

He looked at me strangely again and in silence, almost rudely expectant.

For some reason, _I_ felt like the bastard.

So I invited him in, like the dolt I am.

He swept through the doorway after me, closed the door, and made himself comfortable at the table.

As comfortably as someone who sat rigidly upright and stiffly, with their hands tightly latched onto both armrests could.

I rolled my eyes.

I whipped out my wand and aimed it at the kettle.


	3. Chapter 3: Don't Spit In My Tea

**One is the Loneliest Number**

**Chapter 3: Don't Spit in My Tea**

And he smiled sort of an evil, knowing, uncomfortable, and what was a smile, for Snape anyway, and then he smirked and looked down towards the pocket in the inside of his black travelling cloak. I had seen him reach in there for things. Merlin knew what the hell else he kept in there. He had a wand up his sleeve, vials all over his person, but he looked around and took out some weird device so fast and stowed it away just as fast, that I couldn't see just what the hell it was he was looking at.

Merlin, he was everlastingly, exasperatingly _odd!_

"Regrettable, to be sure, but I must be leaving it seems, Vector." He didn't seem the slightest bit put out.

"Oh. Well, the tea is still boiling. I will just have to have some myself then." And I didn't appear quite put out either, I was awfully relieved, that he would be relieving me.

"It will have to wait for another time," he fastened a button under his chin, and addressed me coolly. It seems I have some pressing matter that cannot wait."

"Hogwarts, er, Dark Lord business?" I asked.

"Yes, it seems so. And of course as an Order member, you will not be sharing that with anyone else, I gather, especially if you invite your little sidekick Sinstra to take my place for tea."

"Of course not, I was going right now to contact the Dark Lord and let him know you will take your tea to go. I have been in the Order for a while now and have been so careful, must you always be a bloody moron to me?" I cracked sarcastically.

He smirked, turned on his heel, and strode out the door, his cloak trailing behind him.

I left and locked my door with a new password**. Ugly git** would work. Actually, it would do just fine. Can't forget that one, but then I thought about it and of changing it. Wouldn't do to think about this jackass any more than I had to…I pondered.

He knew me well which never ceased to unnerve me. I went to see Aurora, and then went back to my classroom.

Later, I entered my rooms again. I started up the kettle because I never did have that tea… and something made me look to a corner of my room and I then screamed bloody murder.

Out from the shadows stepped Snape, billowing robes intact, and arms crossed against his chest leisurely.

"How did you ever?" My mouth dropped open. The kettle of water ignored for the moment.

"That is the best you could do?" he asked smugly.

"How..how did you…did you….legilimancy?" No,wait, I changed the password after he left….

"No. I just thought of the first thing you would think of me, what you had called me in the past….and I overheared Weasley once." He smirked.

I was now paranoid. What if he just came in when he felt like it? People had been telling on him to Dumbledore for years and he still kept him employed. Well, somebody could do as he pleased knowing he was indispensible to the cause. And apparently he would do just that…er, with me.

"Now about that tea…"he suggested in a soft voice.

"Sorry, I don't think so. How dare you… you can wait now."

"I have lost any patience I've had. It may be humorous to you, but it is not secure. Let me…"

"_No!_ Are you mad? These are my rooms. You can't just barge in here and…"

"Please, and I believe that is what I just did. The times…you are not the only arithmancer and dark magic can succeed where most other magic cannot."

I thought about what he said. He wouldn't try any nonsense. Or let him, and I go straight to Dumbledore. He had helped me out in many more ways than I could count with the Order. Sure he made fun of me and gloated and was annoying, but he hadn't steered me wrong yet. I gave in. "Only you and me know…and if I see one vase out of place or you show up again…"

"Trust me, Vector. I have not the time, nor the inclination to do so. I swear I will not move your stuffed hippogriff doll or your set of the complete works of Gilderoy Lockhart," he rolled his eyes in disgust.

I grimaced in embarrassment. I turned pink and he looked as if he was holding back a smirk."I told you my aunt… my godmother gave it to me ,er, I did not volunteer…and you won't move them, because you will never be in here when I'm not anyway…" I looked at him and nodded.

"Whatever you tell people is just fine. I know better and…"

"You know I dislike him, but you… you take it so much further, he is harmless…" I willed myself to stop my blushing pink. Not sure it worked.

"It is how we became ah, acquaintances of a sort," he informed.

"Well, the mentorship that was forced on me too, remember?" I pointed out to him, hinting heavily in my tone at the nonsense he forced me to endure during those times too.

"How could I forget? But the Lockhart and Sinistra memories, when you both meddled in my personal affairs…." He raised an eyebrow, beckoning me to remember that.

"What affairs? Because if we knew then what I know now…" My voice trailed, and I turned to kettle. I poured hot water into two tea cups and set them down at a table. There was already sugar there, but the bastard withdrew his wand and summoned wordlessly the cream and milk I had forgotten. He really had nerve stealing from the kitchens without letting the poor elves know. I would talk to them later, now they think there foodstuffs is just disappearing.

I sat down and arranged my skirts so I wouldn't step on the hem. I had to ask. "When we need tea items, or other foodstuffs, I call down to the elves with, oh, you know, the system the Headmaster reserved for the faculty. This is as bad as the twins going down in the middle of the night and pilfering."

"And what you also don't know, besides choosing or,ah, recalling decently secure passwords, is that I have worked out a much simpler spell and system with the elves. Do to my odd work and leisure hours, I may need things at unusual and unpredictable times, as you very well know. The Headmaster is well aware of this. As we speak, the cream and milk is in front of us, and the tally is already down for them, so, really, what I have devised causes less work for them. Ah, a kindness on my behalf….who would have thought," he snapped sarcastically.

"Whatever." I poured the milk and sipped my tea in silence, stewing and not having a snarky retort back for him. He had won that round.

He sipped his tea after fixing it the way he liked it and watched me carefully. "So, before you interrupted, what is it that you know?"

"I know you were spying on me again. That is apparent," I huffed.

"This nonsense…have you no shame? You are delusional. I was only trying to prove a point. And I did."

"What about the time in the hallway?"

"What about the time you asked me things that nobody in their right mind would, because of your little friend, Sinistra? Well, shall we reminisce then? I will try to enjoy that tea now, you know."

"Good. Sit and have some more, and I can enlighten you about your spying and how you are wasting precious time you could devote to the Order, or the students, besides deducting House points."

"And I can recount to you how ridiculous you were and your little friend when you asked me most indelicately and even less stealthily things that are really none of your business unless I wish to tell you…and tonight I might."

"Really, as if I care…" I took another sip of tea.

"You wouldn't ask or let me stay for tea if you didn't." His delivery was blunt.

"Oh, you are so presumptuous and wrong. Dead wrong." I smiled tartly at him.

"Am I?" His dark eyes seemed to appraise my expression." Well, let us start from the beginning. Aurora told you you could find me in the dungeons and …"

"And so I went and….wait, you never told me my new password."

"I was going to later, but if you are that impatient, well, it is **blood lollipops."** He gave me a tight smile.

I was enraged. As if he hadn't tortured me enough with the deliveries, and the unfounded rumors that I was a hag, a vampire, or bothe. "You are…a bloody moron, really."

"I can't say I am. Only Dumbledore uses sweets. Also, nobody would ever believe you would use those words. Can we agree on that?"

He sipped his tea again and stared at me. I believe my nostrils flared. I lifted my teacup so my hands were occupied, and would not act on the urge to hex him out of his chair.

"So, Aurora and I…" I started again.


	4. Chapter 4: Going About It the Wrong Way

**One Is the Loneliest Number**

**Chapter 4: Going About It the Wrong Way**

Aurora Sinistra had had her super plan. She magicked a valentine and sent it to Snape. No owl; she would not risk the life of the owl. She charmed a valentine from Honeydukes' store in Hogsmeade to screech in the gushiest tone she could find and topped it with pink ribbons, and the gauziest and gaudies red lace. As it travelled by air from Hogsmeade to Hogwarts, it squawked the words, "I love you, Severus Snape," as loudly as her wand could make it.

Aurora waited and took Vector for emotional support and made the excuse to go to his office. Unfortunately, she did not tell the newer professor, Vector, what she did.

Snape would be there working. She was positive. It was Valentine's Day after all, he hated everything about it, everyone that celebrated it, and was probably avoiding Lockhart after the nonsense in the Great Hall. Its re-decoration, some horrific cupids, love potions, singing telegrams, and other vomit-inducing goings-on.

So she dragged Vector with her to Snape's office in the dungeons. She decided that would just barge in without warning or caution and deal with it. If they knocked he might not let them in.

He had done it to Sinistra and countless others before….usually on Valentine's Day.

He said nothing; he so engrossed in his work. He nodded at Sinistra and ignored Professor Vector. They hadn't started the mentorship yet.

"What do you want, Sinistra? No goblin would take you to Puddifoot's? How disappointing. Must you make this holiday even worse for me? Well, what is it and be quick about it?"

"Are you,uh, feeling okay?' inquired Sinistra.

He gave her a calculated look."I am fine. Thanks you for inquiring despite not caring," he replied bluntly.

"I saw the, er, valentine you received from a special someone in the hallway…"she began.

He grimaced and then smoothed over his face." Oh, that…well, what about it Sinistra?" He said airily, but with just a hint of menace.

"You…Severys we have worked with you for years. Well, not Septima here…" She gestured over to her friend whom was dead silent.

Snape looked over at her quickly and then looked away and focused once again on Aurora.

"Why would you not tell us you are seeing someone special? Or maybe more than special, maybe even a girlfriend…You should say something. Half the school saw who it was for and even Minerva couldn't believe you wouldn't tell her. She knows you since you are eleven years old…"she rambled.

"So do you. Actually, I try to block out my memories of you at eleven, as you most likely do. Those muggle braces… Well, it was the seventies after all in the muggle world. The rest of you I could hardly begin to explain. Well, why would I have to inform her of anything….you can do it for me," and his expression changed to one that challenged yet seemed very near the point of victory.

It was frightening.

"Er, what? What is that supposed to mean?" asked Sinistra with a twinge of nervousness, yet she tried to be nonchalant.

"Why don't you fill us in? Why don't you tell me what I mean? And your little sidekick too. Well, I guess I can fill her in when I mentor her next week. There will be a lot of filling in regarding Hogwarts and professor rules and code of conduct. .."

Septima gulped. She believed it was a threat projected in a matter of fact tone, warning her that the mentorship would not be an easy one. And he would hold being her friend against her. She turned pink and said nothing. If she could deal with the goblins at Gringotts and their very strict rules, she could certainly deal with this mean, unfriendly, and vindictive jerk.

"I have no idea what you are talking about. If anything I hoped that since I know you for so long you would fill me in," Sinistra shook her head in resignation. "Apparently not."

"Did you, is that correct?" His eyes narrowed and then opened wider as a black eyebrow rushed up into an arc.

"Er, yes." She played with her fingers.

"Surely then. Would you both sit?" They took apprehensive seats around a table in his office. There were four chairs. He rose out of his and had offered them the other two. Something compelled them both to sit without protesting.

He gave them a stern glare and then it softened into a menacing sneer. And eyebrow darted up again as he eyes watched them more carefully.

He suddenly turned on his heel and reached for a glass vial on a shelf. He turned again and fairly floated back to hover over Sinistra a vial inches from her nose.

"Well, can you tell me what that is then?" he asked softly, watching closely for her response. The tension in the air was stifling. She was afraid to move or breathe. She believed now that he…_knew._

Instead, Professor Vector spoke up, recognizing the bottle instantly. "It is Veritaserum," piped up Professor Vector.

"Ah, my newest colleague, Professor….Vector is it? Well, I don't remember asking you. We can correct that when I mentor you. You were a cursebreaker at Gringotts, were you not? You must be very brave. Then, which is the only explanation I can gather presently for interrupting and offering information I have not asked of you," he said slowly and silkily, most likely to make his point.

He drew his wand." Know what this is? Sinistra, I am deferring to you, if that is okay with your bodyguard…"

"Your wand. "

"Correct. Do you know what it can do?" he asked lazily.

"Do you mean to me?" she shrieked.

"No ,silly, not to you. The veritaserum is for you. You might need some. Because we both know you are a liar and a very bad one." He rolled his eyes. "But enough about the veritaserum for a minute. It might not be necessary because I just might be able to persuade you to tell the truth without any, ah, liquid persuasion…"

"What do you…what do you mean, Snape?"

"What are wands for? Remind me of some of their finer spells or capabilities."

"Charms, Transfiguration…" she counted nervously on her fingers and avoided is eyes.

"Transfiguration….regrettably, has not helped you from looking like a banshee, but enough of that, let us go back to Charms. What kind of charms? There are many you know, or I would think you do, since you were hired after all." And a smile played at his lips, but a vengeful, evil one. He was enjoying this.

"One can charm people…uh…"

"Yes, go on…" He nodded with mock encouragement.

"One can charm many things…animals…er…even."

"I do believe we are getting closer. Anything else? There is always veritaserum…" He threatened.

"One can charm uh, objects."

"Precisely. What I happened to have in mind. Tell me then," he moved closer, mere inches from her. "What kind of objects?"

"Well, anything really…" and she was turning red now.

He now stood over her with both hands on her chair armrests and veritaserum clutched still in one of them." I think I will need the particulars. Do try and be spefic….my patience, little as I have with you, is wearing thin. And my hand might just slip and veritaserum could very likely drip into that big mouth of yours. Accidentally, of course." His eyes burned a hole in hers.

"Professor Snape." Septima called out to him. "Please stop."

He turned slowly to look at Septima.

"Please mind your own business. You were not a part of this, I gather."

"Part of what?" She asked innocently.

"Smart girl. Well, you will have an easier week with me when we start…but not by much. I am a very demanding mentor."

"I don't know what you are talking about …" whined Aurora.

"You don't?" Well, let me refresh your memory and illuminate you to an even finer piece of wandwork."

He crossed his arms over his chest and continued.

"There are other spells. More advanced. Something a youthful or average wizard or witch would not be capable of utilizing. Know what it is?"

"Some dark magic?" She swallowed painfully.

"No, not yet. But then again, if the vertiaserum doesn't penetrate that thick dunderhead skull of yours, you know, that one that made you believe that what you did today was a good idea?"

And Septima looked at her friend with new eyes realizing that she looked guilty. She had done something, and she was very sorry for it.

"No." But she looked down in an awfully guilty or awfully caught red-handed fashion.

"Hand me your wand, Sinistra, now." He held out his hand and arm to her.

"NOOOO….No way! Do you think I am crazy."

He looked about to utter an affirmation but did not. "Hand it to me. I will not destroy it. I merely wish to check for something to see if my suspicions are correct. Dumbledore has only one astronomer currently on the payroll as of yet, but I would think that can change. "He gave a tight smile.

She handed him the wand. He held it to his own. "There is _priori incantatem_, which can show…"

"…he last spell performed on a wand," she finished his sentence for him.

"Very good. You are not so dim as I imagined. Well, let us all have a look then."

And a heart, looking very much like a valentine, in a smoky shade of pink and red, passed through the air in front of the three of them and then disappeared.

"Why, that looks awfully familiar. Could it be…" He went over to another desk, opened a book, and pulled out the valentine where it dangled in front of her nose loosely by two of his long fingertips, as he had once again rushed over to approach her again. "…this one? Can you explain yourself?"

She shook her head looking ghastly.

"I would rather you not, but if you meddle again in my personal life…the veritaserum, Dark Arts, and whatever I can think of in my angered state may play a part," he warned.

She noted he made no mention of her going.

"How about protégo? She I master that?" she crowed in defeat.

"If you pull something like this with me again, I would highly advise you that you should," he nodded in agreement.

"But she was only trying to help. It was _sweet_ in a way…" offered Septima.

And then his gaze fixated on Vector. With almost a look of surprise that she had addressed him. He gazed at her for seconds and paused. His face changed. For a second he looked at her with slight recognition as if it reminded him of something as if something had occurred to him. It quickly melted away. It was inscrutable And then the lop-sided smirk rose again and froze on his face. His black eyes shimmered malevolently.

"Now that is _sweet_. Sticking up for a guilty friend…."he mocked her with relish. "When do we start again?" As if he didn't know, thought Sinistra in disgust, feeling terrible that she had gotten Vector involved.

"Monday….this Monday, I believe."

"Are you prepared?" he asked.

"I am." She nodded and met his eyes.

"Prepare more. We are off to a very rough start. That may change depending on you," he countered.

And then his gaze left hers for Sinistra's.

"You may go. And I think you both should lay low for awhile….with me."

They turned and walked to the door.

"Oh, and by the way SInistra since you are so curious…." He threw out in a relaxed tone.

"Yes?" She turned her head from the door.

"_If_ I am involved with someone or interested in someone…"he drawled.

"Really….you are then? You mean, I was right, then…?" She perked up a bit.

…I would never, ever tell you, or anyone else. For exactly this reason…. Good evening." He looked back down at the books on his desk in a dismissive way.

And as the door slammed at their backs, most likely he had slammed it shut with his wand, and they once again entered the dungeon hallway, Aurora turned to her friend.

"Whewwww, that was close. Is that how Potter and Weasley feel, do you think?"


	5. Chapter 5: Getting to Know You

**One is the Loneliest Number**

**Chapter 5: Getting To Know You**

"What kind of tea is this?" Snape took a sip and then looked up at me oddly.

"Why?"

"It tastes funny to me."

"Oh, must be the poison or veritaserum…" I sighed airly, and added another sugarcube to my own.

"Not very humorous, Vector."

I realized that I goofed. He was probably worried about this every time he was around a Death Eater…

"So anyway…Sinistra. Does she think I am dim?" I have to ask after your somewhat memorable recollection.

"No, probably more angry at her treatment at your hands."

"And what do you think?" He was eyeing me now and I sense he was yet again in interrogation mode.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Would I ask if I didn't?"

"I was terrified of you when I met you and when you were my mentor."

"And now?"

"Yes. Nothing has changed. You are still a terrifying person."

"Really?"

"Yes. Is this even up for discussion?"

"Well, I found you both highly intrusivie, and as you very well know, I need to be obtrusive, at all times. Quite simple, really."

"Yes, I can see that. I mean… I know."

"Well, what about that time, when you asked me a lot of questions too?"

"Oh, no, don't bring that one up."

"I had only known you a few weeks and I was mentoring you."

"Oh, no."

"Oh, yes." And I could see a snide smile beginning to etch its way up one side of his face.

Well, let me see….

The man was driving her crazy.

Eyes of this, legs of this, spleen, toenail…she was a damn arithmancer! He was supposed to mentor her on faculty issues, rules, school history and lore, because she had attended the Welsh Wizarding Academy, and not Hogwarts. And she had merely become his potions house elf. Cleaning his cauldrons, well, not so much cleaning his classroom because he left it filthy, with cobwebs and dust, but oh, if his equipment wasn't cleaned, if a vial had water spots from drying after being briskly scrubbed, Merlin forbid.

And now she could add gofer, lackey, and personal store fetcher to her jobs. How she ever got any Arithmancy preparation done, she was never sure.

Oh, she got it done, but she was on her way to a nervous breakdown!

The bloody moron was busy. He was always busy. And he had asked her to fetch tons of ingredients in his personal cupboard that she couldn't find to save herself. Nobody could. He had suspected a break in once, but he couldn't prove it.

He had told her the stairwells to go up, which floor, which corridor, which door to look for. She thought she was on the right floor, had travelled in circles for an hour and still couldn't find the damn thing.

And then there was a special way to get in and out. Luckily, she had put the directions to get there and what to say upon entering and exiting on the same piece of parchment.

He was punishing her and she hadn't done anything. It was Sinistra, who was starting to become her close friend, but had not entirely endeared her to Snape because of their ongoing feud that has existed since they attended Hogwarts.

And somehow she had gotten sucked in.

But she hadn't given up. Aurora was still hell-bent on finding out if he had a sweetheart or not. She had never forgiven him for embarrassing her and implying she should try going out with a goblin. Vector had tried to ask a few roundabout questions about himself as he mentored her, but he wasn't taking the bait, or was just expertly working around her.

She cursed him again, as she went down a stone corridor for the fifth time, where there were no doors.

He said to look for a set of tapestries. They told a story of three noble ladies, and a squire that was trying to trick them. He probably didn't know what a fair lady looked like. _That _was why she couldn't find it.

She looked again; knights, horses, parsons, farmers, but finally, there they were. Each with a different jewel toned gown and different hair color cascading down their backs in a honey color, a coal black, and a deep auburn. She looked left, and could see a stone sticking out. She looked around, pressed it, and it slid out and to the side. There was the handle.

But now she had to say the words of the spell for security purposes. He also informed her that he changed it again each time he entered or left, but it would be the same for her because she wasn't him.

_How nice of him to point that out._

Supposedly, there were other options in place in case different scenarios occurred. But he sort of dropped it there.

She didn't want to know.

She un-crinkled her paper and smoothed it out against the wall. She noted the password was long and song-like almost. She said it out loud.

The door would not open.

She tried again, stressing a vowel here, trying a different pronunciation here.

_What kind of Dark Arts crap was this?_

She was an arithmancer. She had tried to charm and manipulate all kinds of objects and locked doors, with all kinds of enchantments, charms, and incantations and had never seen its like.

She read it again, carefully. It opened on the third try. She threw up her hands with glee. _Finally._

She found row upon rows of ingredients, shelves, and a ladder in a very small and confining sort of closet like space. What she didn't expect to find was Snape waiting for her in his personal stores.

The door closed behind her.

"Professor Snape…."

"Vector. It is now an hour and a quarter. Nice to see you were making haste…"

"Are you kidding me, er, _sir?_"

"Careful…evaluations next week," he said in a warning tone. I believe it is I that should be asking the questions."

"But…Professor Snape, I followed your directions. It is the school. The stairs move, floors are hard to find, I tried so hard and I was looking for the tapestry, which I must say, is not exactly that easy. It is several yards long and the part with the three maidens is so tiny."

"Clearly, not hard enough…a waste of my time. I have nearly gathered everything I needed. Luckily for you, it was not serious. What if their was an attack of spattergroit, or I had to brew something immediately for an emergency? I hate to think of what would happen."

"But it wasn't. Not this time."

"I don't like your insinuations, Professor Vector. One must be prepared at all times."

"I am the Arithmancy professor. In training and on a trial basis, I might add."

"Now." He waved his wand and ingredients flew back to their proper places. "Show me where you think you could find everything. We shall start again. Here is the list." And a piece of paper floated out of his wand, that he had pulled out so fast, I barely saw it. Oh, and he ignored my prior statement, of course.

He was sick….or really had too much time on his hands.

It took another hour to find everything. He did not help, not even hint. He waited silently, leaning against the ladder, moving only if I had to climb up it to retrieve something.

There was some eye-rolling, and looking at some device that seemed to be a watch like it was the muggle Olympics and elapsed time was even an issue.

The storage space was stone and cellar-like. It was damp and freezing and it didn't seem to bother him. Then again, why would it fluster the walking dead?

When we were done, he actually waved his wand and took the wicker basket that held all of the ingredients. Well, he had too. He was much stronger than he looked, and after near exhaustion from rushing to find everything, I didn't trust myself not to drop it.

Apparently, neither did he.

He gave me a twisted smirk. "Are you quite ready to leave, Vector?"

"Yes," I said through my teeth.

"Very well. Now then, open the door."

"Gladly," It just came out, but he ignored it that time. I went to the stone door and pushed.

"Professor Snape, I can't open it."

"Try again, Vector."

I pushed again. Nothing.

"It won't budge."

"Why is that?"

"Um, oh, yes, wait, the spell. I have it right uh, I did, here, um no, no, I don't."

"Where is it?" His voice had dropped and he was speaking slower.

"In the hallway….like on the floor."

"How…._useful. _What if is were ill?"

_One could only hope…_I thought grudgingly. Mentally more likely…

"Did I only just warn you….to be quite careful, that evaluations are next week." Crap, I had heard he was a superior legilimans, but I forgot.

"What if I were called away and you had to make something, and I, regrettably, were forced, by no will of my own, to _have_ to let you use my personal stores while I was away?"

I stared at him, but said nothing. He rambled on.

"What if it were days. You could starve to death and die in her, actually you might freeze first, and that would put an end to the former even being an issue."

"I got it…. Sir."

"Good."

"We will try again tomorrow." He said the words and tapped the door with his wand.

But nothing happened.

He tried again.

"Vector, get behind me. Something is wrong."

"It won't open?"

"Obviously."

"Oh, did you forget the spell too?" I could kick myself.

"No, I created it. It isn't working…the door seals behind as well, so no one can enter unless I allow it or Professor Dumbledore does."

And I smiled. And then I frowned, and then I panicked, because no one knew where we were and I didn't want to die in here with _him._

He tried two more times…

He pulled the watch like-thingie out of a pocked of his robes.

"Of course not," he murmured to himself.

"What is it…sir?" I threw that out there so he was more likely to answer civilly.

"This is not working either. Something is wrong…"

"What?"

"In the castle…..Vector, in the castle. Dumbledore has allowed no spells to penetrate. Anywhere."

"Well, I got in here," I snorted haughtily.

"Are you daft? They were working _then._" He turned slowly to me and gave me a look like I was the biggest moron he had ever seen, and it threw him at how stupid I was.

"Oh, _right._"

"We will just have to wait it out, Vector. Perhaps I shall put back the ingredients and have you try again."

"Well, I am sure you would, sir. If your wand were able to scatter them back to their places."

He gave me a look that could kill.

_30 minutes later…_

We both sat on the cold floor of the cupboard, tomb, or whatever this was that he kept potions ingredients. I had bunched up my skirts and tried to sit on them to cushion my backside that was starting to hurt from the cobbled stones. Snape had sat down with his knees bent and his back leaning against the shelving. We said nothing for 30 minutes.

"Something must be really wrong…" I threw out there nervously. I could hear the tinge of fear in my voice.

"It could be many things. An intruder, someone suspect, an accident, investigating some students utilizing spells, so magic has to be shut down in the castle. Peeves…"

"If that poltergeist did this, I would kill him. Er, if I could….but they can't die."

"Very reassuring to know, that I am stuck in such a predicament with a potential homicidal maniac. I may have to note your tendencies to violence on your evaluation, Vector." Snape offered in a matter of fact fashion.

I thought of Aurora and how she would laugh herself silly that I was stuck in a very small place, not very well lit, and in very close proximity to Snape.

I had to smile in spite of myself. It was really quite funny.

Then I looked up and I noticed he had been watching me while I was lost in thought, and looked a bit perplexed at my smile. But he said nothing.

"Well, this would be a good time to get to know each other," I said.

"I rather think not," he parried curtly.

"Nothing new to learn about me? I know you snatched my personnel file from Filch. He likes to talk, that one."

"I don't take on just anyone as a mentor, Vector." He looked the least bit ruffled.

"Mentor or private investigator?"

"Not everything is on there, you know. Everything I need to know, and some I didn't, as well is on there. Dumbledore and I designed it with McGonagall. It is very thorough." He seemed pleased with himself.

"My favorite color is purple. Do you know that?" I was losing my mind. The minutes seemed to tick by slower. When I get scared and/or bored, I get chatty. But I could put Sinistra's plan into play also.

"I don't care," he said simply.

"What about yours….wait, never mind." I looked at his black robes, boots, cape, and well, everything.

"My favorite flowers are bluebells. They smell wonderful and are lovely."

"I don't particularly care, Vector, and I think I have made that clear." He raised his wand.

"Ok, forget it then."

He pointed it at the door and said the words again.

"Still not working. You were saying. Oh, yes, I don't care."

"What is your favorite food at Hogwarts. When you actually eat." I tried to question him again.

He made a face like I was insane.

"Well, if you must know, it doesn't matter."

"Why?"

"They don't serve it anymore; different elves in the kitchens from years ago. The soup is different."

"I don't think I could choose. But the berries and cream…the cream is so perfect. I would never get that at home, and Mary is an excellent cook."

"You refer to your mother as Mary?"

"No. My mother's name is …Mary is part of the kitchen staff."

"You are well off, Vector."

"You didn't know. I don't tell anyone but, there is that wizarding gossip."

"Yes, I know. I just wanted to hear you say it."

"You are strange."

"You talk too much."

"My father's name is Leslie."

"Mine….is dead."

_Did he kill him?_

"So your favorite color is black…"

"You were waited on hand and foot all of your life…"

"Yes. But it was there. And everyone is family. My father is wonderful and my mother too. But I chose to do for myself. I didn't have to work, let alone become a scholar and work at Gringotts and later Hogwarts. I chose to do something worthwhile. To help others.,,because I know how damn lucky I am."

"How very modest of you. The scholar part….I would, rethink your wording, and the cursing too."

"That is just the truth. You can evaluate me as you will, next week."

"Oh, I will. Believe me…"


End file.
